Have you ever known someone who thrived on laying blame? Do you know those people who constantly complain about their stomach aches and blame it on you?
Then you actually believe them, so you play the game of solving all of their problems! Have you become the hero? I did! Of course, I didn't realize it at the time because that was a life lesson I was working on mastering, and the boy, did we have a good time together! We danced in victim consciousness for ten years together, causing disaster after disaster! He created, and I rescued! He created, and I rescued! Then one day, he ended up in another situation (which was entirely my fault!). I was sick and tired of devoting all my energy to solving his problems, so I gave up. I quit. That's when the light bulb went off! I realized I wasn't allowing him to take responsibility for his life. I was providing him with the worst possible service. I was de-empowering him! I was robbing him of his power by resolving all of his problems, not to mention disempowering myself! That was the day I gladly, and I mean gladly, handed his life back to him on a gold-lined platter! Ah, peace!
Blamers are people who refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. When things go wrong in their lives, they tend to blame others. They look for someone else to blame when something goes wrong at home, work, or school. I've discovered that they frequently blame those who love them the most. Why? Because they will be the first to 'fix' their problems and save them. Blamers are rarely honest about their issues. "It wasn't my fault," they usually say. "How was I supposed to know?" "It's your fault," for example. This is how their conversations go generally. "If only you had done something different, I wouldn't be in this situation." It's all your fault."
By blaming others for their problems, they lose their ability to influence change. Their thoughts keep them trapped in victim mode. They believe and think about:
- I can't change my life.
- I am a victim of circumstance.
- I am a victim of my past.
- Life is challenging.
- There is always more work to be done, as well as numerous other ones.
To progress, they must begin to think differently. They must change. We've all realized that we couldn't change anyone except ourselves. We can't change the blamer; we can only work on changing ourselves and our reactions to the blamer. I realized I had to stop being the hero! We know it is not our fault, so no more mending! How far are you willing to go to help someone else's problem? That's a difficult question, but how low will you go? Take a tough-love stance and allow them to take responsibility for their own lives. They invented it. They need to learn whatever they have created, so let them experience it for themselves! If it's a spouse or child, it's even more difficult because the problem usually affects your marriage and family. I'm not saying this will be easy! It's not easy, but you must stand firm the moment they present their next issue to you. Inquire what 'they' intend to do about 'their' problem. A temper tantrum is likely; leave the room if necessary, and don't send negative energy back into the cycle! Return to it after they have finished their dramatic hissy fit. This is an excellent opportunity for you to learn the limits of your boundaries while stretching your compassionate detachment muscles! All of these are very empowering tasks that will bring empowerment knocking at your door.
Knowing ahead of time that this is a recurring cycle in which both people are getting their desired energy fix will make it easier to remain detached from the blamer's problem. Why? Because as the rescuer, you will now accept responsibility for your role in the game! The blamers gain satisfaction from not taking responsibility for their lives and a sense of power and control over you when you solve their problem. The rescuer feels good about himself for being the hero and solving the problem.
If you're at the point in your life where you're rolling your eyes in disgust because there's another problem to solve, you know it's time to make a change! Where do you even begin? Yourself. You can use positive affirmations. Write them down on index cards and keep them with you; keep them beside your nightstand, above the kitchen sink, on the bathroom mirror, and even in your car visor! You can also change your thought pattern by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones whenever they arise. When you become aware of your thoughts, you will be surprised at how much negativity hangs out up there having a pity party! Another method is to enter a light meditative state and reprogram your mind with positive beliefs and thoughts. Visualization is also very effective. You can imagine yourself resolving the issue at hand. Not resolving the person's problem, but resolving the issue between yourself and the blamer. Hard feelings, how you will handle it and how you see them reacting to you, and so on.
Throughout history, there have been many great, wise people from all walks of life who have shared the same basic understanding: what we believe we will somehow create. This is far more powerful and true than I previously imagined! We truly are the architects of our own lives! The constant flow of thoughts through our minds is a projection of our soon-to-be reality! What you think, whether positive or negative, you will create! "The outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs," said James Allen. According to the Maitri Upanishad, everything that occurs in our own world reflects how we think. "One's own thought is one's own world." What a person thinks is what he becomes." We are powerful beings awakening to our true potential. Be mindful of the thoughts you allow to saturate your mind. Your future is being created by you and only you!
I recall reading a study not long ago. In this experiment, ten 'average' people dressed the same and lined up in front of a panel of convicted robbers. Five of these 'average' people had low self-esteem, were afraid of being attacked, and lacked confidence. The other 5 'average' people had high self-esteem, had no fear of being attacked, and we're very confident. None of this was known to the panel of criminals. They were asked to choose three people based solely on appearance as their next victim. Each criminal chose three of the five low self-esteem categories! Why am I telling you this? Your thoughts are energy. What you believe is sent out. For these people, their thoughts are projecting I am a victim. The criminal detects the signal and proceeds to target the individual. Even though they were afraid and did not want it to happen, it did because they were thinking about it. They invented it. Powerful! This is what I would call a fatal attraction! These manifestations occur daily through this hidden language of energy/thought. Granted, it works both ways, negative and positive creation. We communicate through our energetic body, the invisible field that surrounds our physical body. Our thoughts are a part of this energetic body.
Change your thoughts and belief system if you want to change your life, regardless of the condition you want to change. Our perception, hope, energy, mood, health, actions, relationships, and entire lives are influenced by our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and the world! Thoughts are extremely powerful and creative. Consider how powerful you can be if you change your negative thoughts to positive ones. The list of benefits for attracting wealth, good health, vitality, love, and positive relationships are endless! It is yours to create because you are the creator, so start creating joy and the perfect life you have always desired today!
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